24 Stupid Things

The sixth season of 24 premiers tonight. I feel some important aspects of this show have been overlooked. What follows is a list of 24 stupid things about 24.

1. As much as you want to feel like events happen in real time, they don't.
2. Characters are developed quite well for only one day of exposure to the audience.
3. Jack Bauer spends more time on his cell phone than a high school cheerleader.
4. No one uses the bathroom. Ever.
5. Not a single building has fluorescent lighting.
6. At least one character would fall asleep over the twenty-four hour period.
7. With all the phone calls, none are ever wrong numbers.
8. The rotation of Earth is gradually slowing, so days are in fact not exactly twenty-four hours long.
9. A show with such time usage innovation (which is untrue) should have known better than to say "I'm Federal Agent Jack Bauer, and today is the longest day of my life." in the voice-over introduction to season one. Sorry Jack, time has been standard since the introduction of railroads.
10. Jack majored in English Literature and Art at UCLA. When I think of potential terrorist combatants, I think English majors.
11. Isn't it a bit of a coincidence that Jack Bauer looks just like First Lieutenant Johnathan Kendrick? Looks like someone got out of Fort Leavenworth a bit early.
12. Birth name: Kiefer William Frederick Dempsey George Rufus Sutherland.
13. Am I the only one who noticed Jack Bauer was a heroin addict for one day. Must have been one hell of struggle to stay away from heroin for a day while saving the world.
14. No one eats.
15. Inflated season premier ratings due to airing opposite Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
16. 24: The Movie is going to cheat viewers out of twenty-two hours of entertainment.
17. Daniel Craig > Kiefer Sutherland.
18. Jack has only worked five days in the last several years.
19. Jack Bauer action figures complete with PDA are available. "Action" should not be in the same sentence as "PDA."
20. I bought a TV with a large screen. Unfortunately, 24 chooses to show me several different shots and once. They are too cool to just split the screen and instead show little rectangles of action on various sections of the screen. I can only imagine what it must be like to watch the show on a small television. Who has a magnifying glass?
21. In case you can't tell how action packed the plot is, the cinematography is jerky to create an even more hectic and out of control environment.
22. Keeler/Logan would not have have won the presidency of a high school student body much less that of the United States.
23. One of these days Jack is going to need a file (probably some sort of PDF), and Chloe won't be able to upload it to his PDA (probably because the F isn't compatible with the A). Jack is then going to kill Chloe for failing him. Feminists are going to get pissed, Jack will fall from grace, and only another very busy and exciting day can restore Jack's image of emotionless and borderline psychotic crime fighter.
24. It's on Fox. Come on.

Just some things to keep in mind during the sixth day of Jack Bauer's career.