Living In Lava

I caught the end of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith today on HBO. As I watched Anakin descend further into madness and get his ass handed to him by Obi-Wan on Mustafar, I began to wonder if Anakin's judgment had been affected by the generally shitty conditions of the planet. Could it be that evil flocks to lava so they have an excuse to be evil? After all, aren't people in Florida and California supposedly happier due to better weather? Anyway, Count Dooku chose the planet as the stronghold in the war against the Galactic Republic. Could the Sith attain a higher degree of evil by living on a planet of magma? It seems there is a symbiotic relationship between evil and lava. And magma.

For those who prefer the lesser of the epics, Mordor fulfills the same purpose. Mordor got its name from (and was formed by) the volcano Orodruin. More lava/magma. Oddly enough, it seems to be that the defeat of evil (if only temporary) comes from the horrible environments so beloved by the dark ones. The fires of Mount Doom destroyed the ring. Anakin gets his legs cut off, then is burned and deformed/gains the voice of James Earl Jones by the lava of Mustafar. The antagonists never seem to learn that the oppressive conditions in which they choose eventually create major problems.

Maybe if these guys would start picking nicer places to serve as the headquarters of their operations, we could have a story in which the bad guys actually win. Set up shop somewhere in Colorado. The worst thing that is going to happen there is a snow delay at the airport. To those placing themselves in the category of "protagonist" or "not evil" I propose this: if you are going to piss of a bad guy, go do it on their home turf of lava and smoldering rock. Someone will catch fire, and it won't be you.

If I spoiled any parts of Star Wars or Lord of the Rings for you, too bad. If you haven't seen them yet, you didn't really want to and you don't deserve the experience of absolute plot surprise.