Deplete The Ozone

Remember the good old days of not being bombarded with movies and cable specials telling the scary tale of global warming? Remember carelessly emitting CFCs all summer and shivering through ice age-esque winters? Those blissful days are gone. Why? We no longer have a luxury we once did: a punctured ozone layer. Look at the diagram below to see how heat interacts with Earth's atmosphere.

The baby blue hole represents the hole in the ozone layer. See how the heat (represented by yellow arrows) escapes? Balance is maintained; temperatures are stable. Apparently some silly environmentalists did not take the time to master this diagram and decided a hole in the ozone layer must be bad. Plenty of good things have holes - donuts, worn in jeans, Billy Idol records. No one tries to unnecessarily repair these. However, the environmentalists got the media on their side and suddenly we were subjected to "Ozone Action Days" during which you aren't supposed to put gas in your car or mow your lawn. This also led to other "rules" like "you must wear pants in public." Anyway, the environmentalist fear mongers won. The ozone was repaired, and our little diagram now looks like this:


Looks like the heat is getting trapped in the Earth's atmosphere. This seems like it would cause a warming of the globe - a global warming if you will. Interesting how the environmentalists turn out to be responsible for global warming. Unless global warming turns out to be wholly untrue - then the environmentalists are guilty of being dumb and annoying. Unlike everyone else who seems to like just talking about global warming, I have a plan. There are two parts to this plan. Step one. Purchase copious amount of freon, condense it into aerosol spray cans, then (from a distance) shoot the can with a pistol. Step two. Build a bonfire. When it is flaming up nice and good, throw in the aerosol can remnants and several batteries. Then all that's left is to sit back and wait for the hole in the ozone to reopen and propel Earth into another ice age.

Maybe I will make those two diagrams into a PowerPoint presentation. Hell I could win an Oscar.